Anticipating Rejuvenation

After an abysmal eternity, I sit here once again in front of this blank white screen, which’s beckoning me to pour my heart out with those perpetual thoughts which keep rambling on in my mind everyday. But it seems my effort is not sincere or maybe because it has been almost a year since I’ve written something, that even words have become furious with me for not using them often. They’re just not willing to propel my imagination anymore with their incessant force which always used to prevail over everything else before. And even as I’m writing this, there’re interruptions cropping up, which are demanding my immediate attention.
I wish I’d innumerable time at my disposal, so that I could pursue my passion more diligently. I also do hope that I can get the capacity to handle and overcome these other more pressing matters swiftly, and if I’m able to prioritize everything efficiently, then I’m certain that those broken thoughts in my mind will definitely convert into smoothly-flowing ideas and then this blank page will never be empty again.
With that, I’ll sign off for now. But be assured that I’ll be back soon, because the pleasure I get in this, truly cannot be replaced by anything else.


PS- This post has been inspired by:
http://www.alim24.blogspot.com/2010/01/blocked.html

A Miracle

"One of my rare attempts to a romantic poem"


I stood alone in that dark rainy night,
without an umbrella or any light,
feeling lonely and overcome by fright,
hoping for a miracle to help me stride.

I couldn't help remembering those times,
when things were not bleak and you were by my side.
Life was a beautiful and serene kite,
flying high in the sky with all its might.

You'd eyes only for me,
you were the only soul of my heart.
And as i stood there feeling quite blue,
my only thoughts were just to be with you.

And then out of nowhere, you came into my sight,
you told me that i was your only shining knight.
As i beheld your beauty, you lovingly held my hand tight,
and took me along with you into the bright daylight.

Aspirations

There's no time to ignite,
the fire yearning to burn in my mind,
and no way out of this grave turmoil,
which has taken its toll on many alike.

I seek solace in this time of despair,
grieving over the lost opportunities,
and craving for that one last chance,
to find that key which may open the door.

My thoughts are going haywire,
beckoning me to burgeon out of this shell,
but there's a thrust from the outside,
which's confining me over here.

But as the clock swiftly ticks by,
and the pile of impediments mount on,
I realize that the step has to be taken,
before the remaining paths also vanish.

So I seek that undiscovered light,
to help me stumble upon the right way,
and as I explore the waves in the sea,
I'll leave everything else at bay.

20 years later... (A short story)

I haven't been able to devote much time to writing recently, but I'm working on an article which I'll be posting on the blog as soon as I finish with it. In the meantime, I'm updating the blog with this story I wrote long back. Hope you like it..!!

The world had changed a lot in the past 20 years. I wondered what she would be like now and whether she’d really keep up to our commitment. The day had finally arrived; I’d been waiting for it since a long time. My thoughts wandered back to that fateful day 20 years back, when we’d parted. I tried a lot to get in touch with her, but it was as if she’d vanished into thin air. I guess this world isn’t such a small place after all.

I was never able to forget that day, it was the turning point of my life and the past 20 years of my life had been shaped by that incident, when I lost her. Surely, I was a kid then but I always knew that without her, I’d never be complete. She might not have felt the same way because she’d so many people around her. But she was taken away from me when I needed her the most. Life had not been fair to us, but I’d promised her that I’d be back 20 years later and I’d meet her at our usual place. I could still remember her sweet face, her beautiful voice and her warm hands. With her, I always felt safe. Her stories always enchanted me and I had missed them a lot in the past 20 years of my life. The sweet things she used to cook especially for me; I’d never eaten anything more delicious in my life. Why did we ever have to part?
Well, why cry over spilled milk? I’d finally be seeing her.

I’d arrived in Delhi early morning. My parents had warned me never to set foot in India again. But even a hurricane couldn’t have me stopped now. I took a cab to that village where I was born and where I’d spent 10 wonderful years of my life. I arrived there by afternoon. It was a sight to behold. Nothing had changed while I’d been away. It was as if I was back in my childhood; those beautiful trees which I used to climb everyday, those crop-fields where I used to hide everyday and right in the middle of all, that big huge tree under which I used to spend hours listening to stories from her. 20 years later, I was finally home again.

But, where was she? She was nowhere to be seen. When we’d left for the US, she’d also left to live somewhere else. She couldn’t bear to live here alone. But she’d promised me that she’d come to meet me on this day, no matter what. Maybe I’d made some mistake, maybe it wasn’t the day we were supposed to meet. But I’d my diary in my hand, and on it, the date was written clearly in my childish handwriting, Jan 1, 2008; exactly 20 years after we’d parted. So, I sat under that tree and waited and waited but still, there was no sign of her. Finally, at midnight, I decided to leave, upset and disappointed. Just when I was about to get up, I felt something under me, right next to the tree. It was buried under the sand. I saw the side of a box poking out. I dug and took it out. It was the box in which I used to keep my toys when I was small. I still remembered the lock combination. I opened it and saw 2 of my favorite toys in it along with a letter.
I opened the letter and read it-

Jan 1, 2005
My dearest Krishna,
Or should I call you Kris?
If you’re holding your toy box in your hands, then you kept your promise.
And if you’re reading this letter, that means, I didn’t.
But life didn’t keep its promise with me. I’ve been quite sick and if I haven’t come to see you today, that means I’ve probably left this world forever by now for a better place.
I hope you’re well. I’ve missed you a lot and I was waiting for this day to see you. But as always, life’s never fair to anyone.
Remember that I’ve always loved you.
I hope you do well in your life.
Give my love to your parents.

Your grandmother

I couldn’t believe it. How could it be?
I cried and cried. 20 years back, I’d lost her and 20 years later, I lost her again.

A Dead End

Draining my mind out,
I sit here alone,
Wondering and thinking,
What went wrong?
I don’t know why,
Neither do I know how,
But it seems to me
There’s no hope left now.
I’m sick and tired
Of wearing this mask
And pretending to be
Happy from above,
When deep inside
My heart is aching
And is in a livid state.
They think I’m not bothered
But they don’t know that
I’ve been crying out hoarse silently.
I wish I could set things right
I wish I could just know once
Where did I go wrong?
Maybe I can correct it then.
But I can’t do it on my own,
I’ve tried my best
And now I’ve come to a dead end
There’s no turning back now
Because it’s all over and out
I can sit here and sulk
Or I can break the barrier and move on.
It’s very hard to accept it,
But I know relinquishing is the best way.
There’s not a tiny ray of hope left
So why am I still here?
Why am I still bothering?
Nobody has any answers.
I just wish I could understand
These complications of life
But I’m withered away
Seems the road has come to cease,
And the wall can’t be broken,
Because on the other side,
There’s absolutely nothing at all.

Just For ........ (?)

Here's a romantic poem I had written few days back, for no particular reason.
It isn't very great though, I feel I'd be able to write a better one the day I actually write it for that someone special.. :-)


I don't know why,
but the very thought of you always makes me smile,
As I remember holding your hand in mine,
and those beautiful memories flash by,
I realize that you've really made my life.

The sun doesn't shine for me if you're not there,
the moon hides behind the clouds without you,
you're the cradle which's holding my every breath,
you're the only one that makes me feel alive.

Till now, I've kept on running without any aim,
but since I found you, it has never been the same.
Life finally seems to be peaceful and serene,
and I would never want it to change.

I can never let you go now,
I promise I'm gonna hold onto you forever,
no matter what may come in our way,
together we'll always stay.

A Lonely Road

Wandering around on the roads,
I was lonely and insecure,
Trying to fathom the human desires,
Which have entrapped the mind's sapphire.

I stopped and looked around,
Hoping to see another lost soul about,
To share my thoughts about life,
And drown in the grievances alive.

But it was dark all around,
An eerie silence had possessed the place,
And it seemed that miles and miles about,
No living creature could've been found.

I walked ahead towards the gate,
In search of a world far away,
I'd dwelled enough on this lonely road,
It was time to break the bonds & fly away.

Cycle of LOVE

We met
By that lonely corner,
Where lives had come to a standstill;
It was hard
To move a step forward
And moving backwards was not a choice.

We felt at ease with each other,
Reliving our pasts
In the form of words;
Hearts felt lighter, minds at peace
And Holding hands,
We moved towards sunrise.

We had the most amazing times ever,
It felt like
We were always meant to be together;
Inseparable was probably an understatement,
We were like
One soul in two bodies.

And then came the drift,
Which was bound to happen
Sooner or later;
Differences started to arise
And with time,
The wall came down between us.

I tried my best to set things right,
But then I realized
That it was never meant to be;
And now I stand again
At that same lonely corner,

Hoping that next time things will be different.

Uncanny But True

Let me know if this story doesn't make sense to you... :-)
But there's a deep insight to it which should make sense to atleast a few.


It’d been a long day. I don’t know how I had got myself in such a precarious situation. Reflecting upon the trauma which I’d gone through in those tenacious hours, I realized that things could have been worse. In those wee hours of morning, things had somehow taken the right track, but only for a while. It seemed that we’d reached the perfect solution but there would have been many hurdles which would have had to be crossed if we’d chosen that path, because the future seemed quite bleak. And that little ray of hope just vanished into thin air.

So we’d to make a choice, a choice between the good and the bad, a choice between life and death and a choice which could’ve changed the entire course of our so-called plans for a better tomorrow.

Life never gives you all the time you need. At one point or the other, you’ve to decide whether you’re going to act upon what you’ve thought about or waiver from your principles and let destiny take its toll on you. The acceptable standards of doing things may not always be the right ones and sometimes having the courage to do things differently makes the entire difference required.

But that was where the conflict came, because not everyone thought like I did. Raging on like bulls, we fought over trivial issues which at times, made absolutely no sense. Everyone had their own opinion to handle the matter at hand and everyone thought that their solution was the best. It was hard to reach a consensus in such a situation. The circumstances demanded a compromise which no one was willing to make. No one was ready to think in that direction, which I knew would give us the ultimate answer for all our queries. The situation was getting out of hand. If I hadn’t taken that drastic step at that moment, then god knows what not could have happened further. Maybe we all would have met the same fate as the raging bulls meet in the field of war. It’d have been a total massacre. But finishing off one life to save many others was the only option left at that moment. It was gruesome but I couldn’t help it. I had no other choice left.

The Next Chapter

As one chapter of life draws to an end,
The time has come for a new beginning,
to launch myself into a higher strata,
where things would not be the same.

I have analyzed all the options available,
through all angles and dimensions possible,
and I've realized there're constraints everywhere,
which're curbing my wings to fly.

It's starting to seem like there's a bend
in almost every road I want to walk,
But then the long journey so far
hasn't been so direct either.

I don't regret the choices I made,
Because I never knew how they'd turn out,
Its best now to forget and forgive,
and move on into the summoning light.

Life at times is like a kaleidoscope,
beckoning me to blend with the colors,
but the path has been decided beforehand,
I'm just allowing destiny to guide me through.